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addiction
January 2009 
Projecting Parenting Fears
Laura
I had a parenting ‘aha’ moment yesterday. While navigating between two separate but equally intense conversations with my son’s father, and his step-father (my husband) I found myself reflecting upon how much we project our own fears onto our children.
My ex-husband is a former addict. He’s now three years into solid recovery, and is completing an addiction counseling certificate program. He frets constantly about our son’s potential drug use.
My husband is a scholar – highly respected in his field, but he dropped out of high school at age 15, and didn’t go back to school until his late 20’s. He frets constantly about Maxx’s academic achievement, or lack thereof.
I was a teenage rebel, and fret constantly that the occasionally fierce parenting style of my son’s dad and step-dad are going to push our teen to rebelling as fiercely as I did.
…..do we really just project our fears of our worst case scenario of reality onto our children?
……and what is the best way to discipline a teen with learning difficulties and a genetic predisposition to addiction without projecting our fears of the worst possible outcome onto him?
Some interesting reading on this topic:
http://www.naturalchild.com/sidney_craig/permissive.html
http://www.naturalchild.com/sidney_craig/punishment.html
I’d welcome your thoughts, experiences and resources on this topic.
Access: Public
Gotta love oprah's ‘aha’ moments –
The human mind works with our intentions/desires to achieve the best possible out come. If we expect through our “intentions/desires” bad things our brain works out everything so that the bad thing comes to pass.
Our brain is sortive a high tech entertainment station where we play out our lives in a 3D projection of the world in which we live. I suppose it's actually 4D because even though it takes place in your brain you think that it takes place outside your body. thus when you see only cruel people in the world you are actually the cruel person. If you see only loving people in the world you are actually the loving person. I know that's a difficult concept but it's very much true.
Once you look at it you change it. You will find evidence to back up your line of sight. The question is “what do you believe?”
Example:
You Ex's constant thinking that his son will have potential drug use might actually cause it to come to pass. In old days they would call this a self fulfilling prophecy. Everything in his life will seem to peice together as if life is one big puzzle.
The choices he makes like advise, or even who he allows into his life might bring it about. Not consciously of course but subconsciously. I am not saying he wants this to happen but rather he is stuck. We always get what we are focusing on. Energy flows where attention goes. I was there before understanding the secret or the law of attraction helped me greatly.
If his core was slightly different 'as in' he only invisioned good things happening for him then that would change everything because he would make different decisions and would tell him different things.
The brain is giving us the best possible experience and is completely unbiased. Listening only to our desire. the universe is either out to get you or out to save you. as Einstein pointed out.
Something as simple as pre-paving through prayer, meditation or even seeing him succussful in your minds eye can change his life. You don't have 100% control because of outside influences and his own intentions. I don't know his
age but at some point you will be able to ask him these questions:
Ask him how he views the world. Is it getting better or worse.
If he tells you it's getting better then you know his intentions are good.
If he tells you it's getting worse then you will know his intentions are bad.
We get what we expect. If the world is getting worse we expect things to get worse. Does that make sense?
P.S. please join me in a weekly game: Contest: Phoenix's Wordplay