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teens
January 2009 
Simple snowy fun....
Posted on Jan 4th, 2009
by 
Laura
Laura
Maxx and Cole's igloo
Access: PublicIs it me, or is it him?
Posted on Jan 7th, 2009
by Laura
Laura
I can't quite figure out what the shift has been, but I like it.
We had some tough moments over the holidays. Put it down to too much sugar, raging hormones (his AND mine), that annoying 'sense of entitlement' that all to often pervades his outlook on life - whatever fueled the fires, they flared up, scorching our hearts a few times the last couple weeks.
We have a pattern, my boychild and I. (reminds me of the pattern I had with his father - oyvay - so who's pattern IS this anyway?).
Emotional flare-up, loud exchanges, wind down with tears, apologies, 'honeymoon' phase of remorse - and then finally, a calm conversation that results in a meeting of the minds and hearts.
After the really intense exchanges over the holidays, Maxx and I had some clarifying heart to heart talks, and although I'm almost holding my breath a bit - he seemed to really HEAR me.
I didn't really ask for much - mutual respect, an understanding that we're all in this together - running the household, sharing space, sharing our lives as well as our home. I asked for a bit more awareness of what he receives, and reminded him that it's a really, really good thing to ask "Is there anything I can do to help" - just once in awhile.
Lo and behold - there's been an almost magical shift in attitude, demeanor and household participation.
He's been an angel.
....and I'm accepting this at face value, even if it may seem a bit naive to do so.
I'm affirming the behaviour, giving (and getting) a LOT of hugs and exchanging a lot of "I love you's".
So Be it.
Are we negotiating, arguing, or did I just get manipulated?
Posted on Jan 14th, 2009
by Laura
Laura
"Maxx, I said NO".
"But mom," he calmly continues, presenting yet another ingenious point to add to his argument in an attempt to solidify his case for whatever he wants.
My son loves to negotiate.
And he's good at it.
Other parents have even commented on it, sometimes adding the descriptor 'manipulate'', which fortunately, or unfortunately, he's also quite good at.
Good negotiation skills are important to master, and I've encouraged Maxx to develop his skills by inviting him to negotiate. Maxx is quite emotionally intense, and he used to just dissolve into tears or whining when he didn't get what he wanted. As he began to get old enough to understand the concept I told him - whining will get you nothing with me, with your friends, or out in the world. Give me a good reason, and I might change my mind.
Yesterday morning:
Mom, can I have $3.75 for lunch today?
No, I've bought groceries, make your lunch.
But mom....and the arguments began to be presented. I'm hesitant to share with you the series of points he presented because I'm still wondering if he negotiated successfully, or if he just manipulated me into providing him with the money he wanted to buy lunch.
There are times when I say clearly - we are NOT negotiating this, and these are the reasons why....
(this post has yet to be completed - comments on this topic welcomed as I continue to clarify my own thoughts on this :)
