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harmony
January 2009 
Is it me, or is it him?
Posted on Jan 7th, 2009
by 
Laura
Laura
I can't quite figure out what the shift has been, but I like it.
We had some tough moments over the holidays. Put it down to too much sugar, raging hormones (his AND mine), that annoying 'sense of entitlement' that all to often pervades his outlook on life - whatever fueled the fires, they flared up, scorching our hearts a few times the last couple weeks.
We have a pattern, my boychild and I. (reminds me of the pattern I had with his father - oyvay - so who's pattern IS this anyway?).
Emotional flare-up, loud exchanges, wind down with tears, apologies, 'honeymoon' phase of remorse - and then finally, a calm conversation that results in a meeting of the minds and hearts.
After the really intense exchanges over the holidays, Maxx and I had some clarifying heart to heart talks, and although I'm almost holding my breath a bit - he seemed to really HEAR me.
I didn't really ask for much - mutual respect, an understanding that we're all in this together - running the household, sharing space, sharing our lives as well as our home. I asked for a bit more awareness of what he receives, and reminded him that it's a really, really good thing to ask "Is there anything I can do to help" - just once in awhile.
Lo and behold - there's been an almost magical shift in attitude, demeanor and household participation.
He's been an angel.
....and I'm accepting this at face value, even if it may seem a bit naive to do so.
I'm affirming the behaviour, giving (and getting) a LOT of hugs and exchanging a lot of "I love you's".
So Be it.
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Your equanimity and perspective and wisdom on all this is just incredible. I can’t imagine it not rubbing off. :)